tired of this

have one
have another
it feels good not to feel anything

relax you've had a hard day
you say this every day
it hard to make it last longer than
the last fight where guts were spilled

you start from the bottom every time
you kick yourself down with the doubt
small ambition lack meditation

others kicking your ass back down
pushing you down
keeping your doubts in the foreground
seeping into your dreams
keeping you awake at night

there was enough love
so much love that is was ridicules
so obvious no one paid attention
you didn't have to buy it
just buy into it
that was the problem
there were too many options
paralyzed with options
frozen in the frozen food aisle

keep moving
you might be making circle
after circle
after circle
after circle
one repeating the tread-marks of the next
so Strava looks like a loop
marked over and over again
on somewhat the same circle
circle
after
circle
until the dizziness takes over and
you fall asleep.