New Year Resolution 2011

Please tell me something will happen for me this year.
I keep waiting for news. It's been years.
It's been ten years to be exact.
I'm ready for an answer.

Sold down the river one time. Paid the price.
Some one, a good one paid the second.
And with this one, the second we wait.
I'm ready for an answer.

Ashamed by lack of importance. Our lives wait to be taken from the stack.
Once we are reviewed and approved or denied we make new decisions.
There is someone who will decide what becomes of us.
I'm ready for that answer.

winter wonderless

winter in southern california
christmas day is less than 75 degress away

like a toy soldier
marching to outlet malls

fill baskets brimming
spending outragous security perimiters

sales and final calls
slipping in between shopping stalls

christmas sales has
greenhouse gases rising

go far away
take me home
to my roots
where the cold

eats the shivers out of turdelneck sweaters.

My eyes have seen

look over there at that shit
we couldnt have anticipated it
but we related to a nerve
severed the cord
and lost face.

I couldnt recount to you the details
you saw the news.
we left without showing ourselves.

I'm ready to quit
my eyes have seen the past present its will
and you still dont understand the predicament.
if you return I will show you what I have seen.
If you want to know the truth will show you.

The Bloat

intestines bloat
mine shine.

inside the inflation
 disease causing inflamation.

lack of exercise is casue for concern
10 years has not seen such things.

depressed overstretched
failures overcome a good man.

holiday season is tough
no family close
 been  long time

so ingest this mess
 dont go hungry
eat more
more than my share.

dont share kindness
strangers dangers
keep it for yourself
stockpile belly missiles.

traffic dictates mental state
angry lost dirty interstate
put trust in roadside emotion.

sight slipping
narrow pathway ungiving
takes you down that dark
the man you never wanted to be.

get older
 see truth
oneself.

December 2010 Walls Coming Down

last few months been horrible financially.
fights with family over money.
mistakes make me misirable.
wife is a geat ass pain.

regrets.
forgets.

digging deeper holes.
making bigger messes.
feeling flaws shining through the holes of me.
failure to push beyond personal defects.

crimes.
punishments.

no respect in my own home.
inactions worthy of condemnation.
lack of drive and will.
support system vanquished.

laughter.
ridicule.

self supplication.
worthiness to aspire.
building foundations to grow relations.
seeing the possibilities of future.

love.
affirmation.